I am writing this after a night where I probably spent at least four of the seven (should be sleeping) hours TRYING to fall asleep. You see, Baby Girl has been making me work hard for her this pregnancy. I have not slept through the night without being awake at least 5 times each night since August 3rd. AUGUST 3rd. For those of you doing the math, that is over 23 weeks... or 160+ consecutive days of not sleeping through the night. (And not being able to take naps during any of those days.) Ouch?
But as I was lying there this morning at 4:30am trying to fall asleep between the major punches, kicks, and acrobatics that she was doing, I couldn't help but think these things in my head. And to try and remind myself how lucky I am to even get to have this experience, and have it be a healthy one. And I thought they might be good for this week's "Mama Monday" post, as well as a good reminder for myself about the miracle that is pregnancy and growing our family.
I can hardly remember what it is like to crawl into bed and cuddle up to my husband - instead of the five pillows I have to carefully position all around me in order to (hopefully somewhat) sleep at night. **But I can't imagine what it will be like for us to cuddle up with you fast asleep our chest, to stroke your smooth baby skin, and to call you "our little peanut."
I can hardly remember what it is like to make it through a day without sighing several times and saying under my breath, "Oh my goodness" when you do something in my belly - or when my body aches - and have Miles hear it and say with a sweet look of concern, "Oh, Mama - What's your problem?" And I reply, "Oh, my belly just hurts." His response, "Mmmmmwah! I kissed it. It's all better, Mama!" **But I can't imagine what it will be like to have your beautiful (most likely blue) eyes look up and kiss me one day - just like your sweet big brother does now. Or what it will be like to watch your big brother Miles care as lovingly for you as he does for me when I hurt.
I can hardly remember what it's like to sleep through the night, and I know that by the time I do, it will have been almost a full year of not doing so. **But I can't imagine what it will be like to watch you sleeping in your bed, swaddled with love, and know that you are my daughter... a gift from God... to cherish for as long as I live. I know how special the bond I have with my own mother is, and I cannot wait to share and experience that with you.
I can hardly remember what it's like to feel like my body was "mine" or "normal." **But I can't imagine any greater thing than knowing that God has created YOU... a perfect little life inside my body - that I get to grow, nurture, and protect for 9 months - and then raise and love you for the rest of my days here on this earth. Although your kicks and punches can rock my body, it is truly a miracle. YOU are truly a miracle.
I can hardly remember what it's like to not have "Mama Brain." But I don't want to remember what it's like... because this "Mama Brain" includes so many incredible life lessons, memories of joy, milestones, and family togetherness with little Miles and your daddy the last 2.5 years, and I can hardly wrap my brain around the idea of being so blessed to get to experience all of the love I feel for Miles - for YOU, too. My eyes cry tears of joy just thinking about it.
So although my body and mind are tired ~ my heart is full, my belly is growing by the minute, and I know God is perfecting your sweet life inside of mine. And I cannot imagine the joy and happy tears I will experience when I hold you in my arms for the first time in a matter of weeks. It will make all of the once challenging "I can hardly remembers" into the most magical of times to cherish forever.
